So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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