He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Randomize
