That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
