She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize