Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
how drunk are you?
Several
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
