We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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