I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
