who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
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