He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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