keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
