Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
