where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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