she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
