i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize