dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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