sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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