Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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