it wasn't lemon gatorade
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
