Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Well I just put wine in my tea
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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