everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
