I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
