Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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