maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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