I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
