I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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