and you said cock pushups were impossible
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
