we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
