I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
