Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
