ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
