You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
