he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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