I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
