Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize