so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
