wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
