i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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