We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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