im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
what day is it and did you see me today?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
