i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
