So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
