is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I have post one night stand depression
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
