I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
