I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
