I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
