if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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