The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
