every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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