god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize