If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
