Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Randomize
