I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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