Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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