did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
