Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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