oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize