Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Is that strawberry winking at me??
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
