I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
