I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
