So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
