the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
