It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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