I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Actions speak louder than pants.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
