We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
