if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
