I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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