margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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