We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
