I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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