i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
