Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Randomize