During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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