i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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