Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
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