She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
