If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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