I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize