My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
