I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Im just a social blackout drinker.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
