her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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